How It Is

It's not that life is empty without her. But it's not full, either. This evening, when I sent Kat a text saying, "Alta?" it didn't matter greatly whether or not she said yes or no. Because I could suggest it without it being outlandish. It wouldn't involve a car ride rivaling our road trip to Canada a few years ago; nor would any planes be transporting me to her, or the other way around.

Three exits away. That's all it is, the space between us.

As we sped down the 55S headed for our "local" coffee digs (only 37.5 miles from my house), my life felt so full. My heart felt full. I was thinking, as we drove into dusk, that it couldn't possibly be any more full. Then I realised... the funny thing about love is that you can't ever have enough.

It's like Mary Poppins's bag. No matter what you've got, you can keep putting it in. Book? Lamp? Desk? Bookshelf? Car? Sure. Oh, and throw a few pairs of shoes in while you're at it. My life is full of amazing people who love me, support me, and tell me I'm funny because they don't mind lying to boost my ego. I recently had breakfast with my (incredibly talented) friend Melissa, who is getting married in less than a year. We talked about how her guest list has grown over the last few months because people have entered her life and become friends.

It's like that. That's exactly how it is. I'm not taking people off my guest list for life to make room for the new kids; I'm adding to it. My life is so full because of friends like Kat, Anne, Lizzie, Stephani and Bambi... but there's so much room left in my Mary Poppins bag, on my guest list for life, and in my heart. I'm adding to it all the time.

Natural Equilibrium

It's funny how life works. Everything always seems to balance out in the end. Things have a way of just reaching a natural equilibrium. Yeah, sometimes they're way far to the left, sometimes way far to the right. But eventually, at least in my experience, they find a middle point.

On Saturday, one of my two best friends will be departing for an eleven-month-long adventure around the world. Bambi will be visiting eleven countries along the way, and her team's goal is to be the hands and feet of Christ as they work with all sorts of people in all sorts of situations in all sorts of cultures. On the one hand, I'm incredibly excited that she has the opportunity to go on this journey. I know that God has big plans for growing her and using her on this trip, and she's ready to be used and grown... But let me be honest. I don't want to lose this girl. Not only is she one of my favourite people to photograph, but she's a confidante, someone I can always count on for honesty and wisdom... and a friend who makes me laugh constantly. My heart is already hurting for the loss of her, and she's not even gone! Throughout the day, I find myself plotting ways to keep her here... but in the end, I know that I would just be interfering with God's plan for her life. All I can hope is that she comes back ready to jump back into photoshoots and coffee dates at Alta.

Tuesday, August 18th, Kat is coming home! For those unaware, my sister/best friend combo has been globe-traipsing since January of this year. She started off her travels in Germany, where she was studying abroad. The experience took her to all sorts of cool places, including Ireland and Paris! She was home for about three weeks before a worship arts internship wisked her away to Bend, Oregon, having all sorts of life experiences without me. ("Sorry I didn't call you back," she apologised over the phone earlier tonight, "I was climbing a mountain." Oh, right, climbing a mountain. Nonchalantly. As if I shouldn't have been climbing it with her. As if she climbs mountains all the time. As if... sorry. I'm getting carried away.) I'm so excited to have her home in TWELVE days, to go to Taco Factory with her, to stay up late talking, to sleeping in the same bed and having Rylee take up more room than both of us combined. I'm excited for her to brush me off for some other friends some night... because she knows that we'll see each other soon and that I'll still love her, and that living five miles from each other again is a dream come true.

The bad news is that Bambi cannot freak out her friends by shooting mock weddings with me anymore. The good news is that Kat is just as photogenic as Bambi, so I'm sure we'll have lots of phototastic moments. The bad news is that I'm losing one friend. The good news is that another is returning. Life has reached this natural equilibrium, a balance of loss and return. I'm seeing this in so many other areas of my life, and I just love the way God works it all out. If I'd lost Bambi and Kat at the same time, I don't know how I'd cope. If they were both here... quite frankly, I don't think I'd have time for them both right now. In another situation, I've lost a really good friend to some hard circumstances, but gained a lifelong friend over some rather wonderful weeks. God is looking out for me. He's got my back. I can't wait to see what else is in store.